Week 40: 9 Months!

February 15, 2023

I've officially served half of a sisters mission. Thing is that I'm not a sister.

Last week I said I wasn't planning on writing the next few weeks but yesterday I changed my mind. To start off, we put two people on date to be baptized . They're sisters and their whole family is awesome, they plan to be baptized on March 7, which is transfer day . So we'll see if I'll be here for that or not, but I really hope so.

So I changed my mind and decided to write an email because I finally took the time to sit down and write in my journal for the first time in a month... or three... but I decided I wanted to share some of the things I've written down, hoping that others could pick something from my ramblings:

2-14-2023

Well, I decided it's about time that I write something again. The truth is that I've been having a hard time recently. For about the past 3 months, I've felt depression creeping back into the picture. The past 3 weeks it's gotten especially worse. It's been the hardest struggle just to get out of bed in the morning, and I'm just in a crummy mood until I can convince myself to snap out of it (even writing this now, I could hardly sleep last night, and I haven't felt motivated to do anything, just doing things because I know if I don't I'd just end up going home, which isn't what I want yet). Even though my mornings are real sloppy, I make sure we're out of the house by 1, and once we get outside I can work hard. We almost never get back before 9:15ish. But once we get back, I immediately start feeling that same drag. What I'm trying to put together from all this somewhat [bothers] me, but I'll try to explain it. I've realized that depression might be a lifelong struggle. It's obviously not something I want, but I'm not so sure if I have much choice in the matter. I think I'm experiencing this specific trial at this specific time because Father is trying to teach me something.

One; is to understand that I really cannot do this by myself (looking back on my life, I've almost never relied on anyone else, I considered it a sign of weakness, but I've learned something recently, I'll get to that in a sec). This is why God has given us family units and the friends and contacts that we have. None of it is by chance.

Two; "pray as though everything depends on Him; work as though everything depends on you" (don't remember who said this *paraphrased*). Don't offer fancy prayers, just talk like a normal person, & LISTEN. And when you receive a prompting, FOLLOW IT. Work your best, & realize that Father will take care of the rest.

Three; "There are those who have experienced the same difficulties as I, & my job is to find them & share the love of the Father with them." This is an entry I wrote at the very beginning of my mission (June 6, 2022, after my companion gave me a blessing of comfort), and I saw it realized yesterday (Monday) with [a member we know]. There are others like me, and it's with these people whom I confide... Father has also given me the knowledge and capacity to love & support them. I find fulfillment through helping and loving them.

Four; "All You Need is Love" - The Beatles. I've seen this fulfilled through the Saquil family, especially Lisseth & Nahomi (the two people we put on date to be baptized). Rather than focus on passing through the lessons, I got to know them. Who they are, what they do, what interests them, etc. I became their friend before being their spiritual guide. I learned what it means to come to love those who you teach. & I know it's going to be hard to say goodbye to them.

Five; "Continue to work through your trials, to continually draw closer to Him" (Journal entry June 6, 2022).

Ether 12: 26

"27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

All He asks is that we exercise the smallest grain of faith, even that of a mustard seed. Even when there's absolutely no desire, & the odds seem heaped against you, take even just a blind and clumsy step, hoping even just a tiny bit, that in the end it will work out, even if it's not the way you hope or expect. Crawling is still moving forward; meaning, something is ALWAYS better than nothing. God knows we are weak, He built us that way. He WILL take care of the rest.

Six; the purpose of life is to be tested. The majority of the time is meh. There's new obstacles everyday. But every so often, something nice happens. You see an old friend; enjoy every second. There's a beautiful sunset; take a picture. You learn something new; write about it. TREASURE the small moments; they are what make life full.

Seven; search for the things that make you happy, and follow them like there's no tomorrow. Happiness is a choice, look for it at every possible moment.

Eight; cut yourself slack. You need it. Give yourself time to get back on your feet. Take time to reflect, hurt, learn the lesson, see the bigger picture. You'll know when it's time to pick it up and get moving again.

Nine; ask the big questions. Who am I? Why am I here? What do I want to accomplish? What difference will such & such make in "x" years? These are your foundation and stability. If you know the basics, the rest falls in place.

Ten; God is your Father. He has prepared a place for you, where you will be happy. In the end, everything will have worked out exactly the way it was planned. You will be given according to your efforts & desires. Perfect & eternal happiness will come to those who work for it. Everything will be ok.

Father loves you. He will take care of you.

This journal entry has generally summarized what I've learned so far here in the mission.

~ Elder Owens

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