Week 64: 9 Months Left

August 2, 2023

Um, it's been a while. I don't really know how long it's been since I've written an email. But I finally found some time and energy (despite being sick again), so I guess I'll shed some light into what I've been up to.

Last time I wrote I had Dengue. It was week 58. Well since then a lot has changed. When I say a lot I mean almost everything.

I'm gonna be completely open and honest and down right to the point, because I'm pretty content with what's gone down these past 4 months. So ladies and gentlemen let's get right into it.

So starting in April I was bumped up to senior companion in the same area I'd been in for a transfer with a new comp. Pretty cool stuff. Only thing is, we were sick, probably 65-75% of the 8 week transfer. When I say sick, I mean in the bathroom all night for a few days at a time. And if it wasn't stomach sick, it's fevers, body aches, weakness, fatigue, lack of appetite, all the good stuff. But we had two miracle baptisms so that made it all better. Anyways. Transfer time: my comp takes off and I get to finish training a newbie. Well the first two weeks I had dengue fever. 3rd week I'm trying to relearn and teach my companion how to work because I'd been sick indoors at least 60% of the time the past 2 months. 4th week my comp got bit by a dog and we have to travel to the capital every few days to get rabies shots, which took a very large portion of many days for the rest of the transfer. 5th week was somewhat normal, just two hospital trips. Last week I got super sick again.

Now get this.

Transfer news

I already had a really strong feeling that I was leaving, which was confirmed when we got the call. Honestly I don't think it's the right time to share any details, but something very special happened those last 2 days in El Jocotillo, and I found something very special that may or may not have changed me forever, as well as my plans for the future. After some great counsel from some great friends and an amazing mission president, I've decided to keep following the current path I've chosen until the end, and who knows, maybe one day God will grant me the pearl of great price that I left behind in El Jocotillo.

Anyways. Those last two days in El Jocotillo and the first week here in my new area were extremely difficult, because I knew that I left something really important behind. But I know that's God's plan for right now.

So now, I'm district leader over 4 elders and 4 sisters in a district I've never been a part of before, I'm finishing the training of another new elder, and we're opening an area that left behind almost no contacts, vague addresses, very few phone numbers, and almost no information about the area. We also live ridiculously far from just about everything. First or second day my poor comp hurt his ankle, and now I'm horribly sick again, and my comp just caught the same thing. We get to go to the hospital tomorrow.

I've had a little bit of a hard time these past 4 months. Maybe just a little. I've thought on numerous occasions that it would be easier just to go home. I've suffered physically, mentally, and emotionally these past few months.

I haven't been a perfect missionary. I haven't always made the right decisions, or put forth all the effort I had. I don't always know what I'm doing. There's times when I doubt myself, my abilities and efforts. I've thought on numerous occasions about turning back. I've experienced countless sleepless nights wondering if I really have what it takes.

Do you want to know what I've learned from all this?

I learned that I'm pretty sick of beating myself up.

These past two weeks have probably been the best two weeks of my life.

Not because they've been easy. I've hiked miles through the pouring freezing rain just to have doors shut in our face. I've been horribly sick, bed ridden, unable to sleep because of the pain. I've cried more these past two weeks than I have in the past year. I've been heartbroken, unmotivated, sad, angry, confused, exhausted. That's not including everything else that's happened in these past few months.

And you know what.

When I get on my knees to pray to my Father in Heaven, I thank Him for making me a better man.

Everyday I get up and I do the best that I can. I enjoy the little moments, because these are what make up our life story. I share all that I can with everyone I can. And I stumble, and I fall short, and sometimes I'm just flat out dumb.

But that's ok.

Because I helped someone feel better about themselves today. Someone gave me a personal and meaningful gift. Someone wrote me just to tell me they love me. Someone thanked me for recognizing their efforts, when no one else did. Someone gave me a hug. The sunset was beautiful tonight. I laughed with friends. I helped a stranger. I learned something new.

Being happy doesn't mean that you don't go through hard things. Happiness comes through moving forward, despite the fact you're going through hard things. Don't look back and think about the garbage. Look at who you were, and where you're at now. Live in the moment. Don't be afraid to love. And please, just laugh. Even if you fall flat on your face, just laugh it off. Life is so short, don't regret the things you didn't do, just laugh about the dumb things you did do. And just do the best you can. You can't look back and say you didn't try. A poor man doesn't become rich just by wanting it. You gotta do something. So just start walking, even if it's drunkenly. As long as you're moving forward.

I'm happy

I really really am

Not because life is easy

But because despite the fact that life likes to throw mud in my face, I know I'm putting forth my best effort, and that no one else can do the things I've done. Because I'm me. Nobody else can be me. And that means something.

I mean something

And you do to

I am loved

And you are too

Don't give up

Tomorrow will be better

Not because it will be easier

But because we will try harder

~ Elder Owens ♡